If anyone knows anything about me then they know that I HATE TO SHOP! (Love to buy, but HATE to shop.) Well, sitting in the lab, meetings over about 2:00 today and thinking, "what the hell am I doing here?" So went out to brush up the facade. Super stoopid and way true but women have to work it so much harder than men, especially as you get past the mid-life crisis stage for everyone, 'swhere i am. Oh well... that's the TRUTH.
So I head on over to Nordstrom's, yes at the MALL, YUK! And happen to park at the place where me & G. shook hands goodbye as I see it, but enter the mall with reckless abandon.
Again, to anyone who even knows me a smidge, just showing up at the mall is completely unnatural. I can handle some Old Navy action, nice stand alone place, in & out fast, easy, get what I want and can't give them my money fast enough (not that I have any but that hasn't seemed to matter to anyone, including me) and get on to Home Depot. Well, and this may be embarrasing, but today I have a "personal shopper". Like for realz. Her name is Rachael and she knows what to bring me. [Maybe I should ask her about men too. And don't get me started on that either, Bob has a girlfriend and I won't be that homewrecker, anyway...] So I am trying to get my look on at work for a promotion and it makes it easier to wake up and go, only problem is that a shirt costs $350, yet what you gonna do? Probably buy the $175 matching pants and some panties for around $40? I'll never admit to it, so there!
Must say that I did get a few pieces that are full of light and beauty and MAGIC, and that's something that I have never found at "cheap" places, unless you count Goodwill, just not wanting to spend TIME there right now.
So I guess it comes down to this really, how do I know if I'm becoming the person who I don't want to be? I drive a tourist car, in a tourist town, and shop during the day at a touristy mall, listening to San Diego memories in Stoopid and Sublime reggae all the way...
Wait, was I complaining? I've always believed that living fun is good, I suppose NOW that it is FUN, yet perhaps that's not enough. I have to live cleaner and WITH PURPOSE. Gotta find my purpose. Guess I'll buy that Steve Martin DVD and watch it as much as Men In Black, Galaxy Quest, and Austin Powers, and have to throw in Roxanne, The Butcher's Wife and K-Pax (ok ,so I admit to repeated watchings, ughhh!) and see if I can find my TRUE purpose in life. Somehow they must all add up to something I'm supposed to get.
And with any luck find a partner to be REAL friends, with heart & wit. Ahhh, we'll see. I'm ready to meet him I believe, but I may need to still chill after the storm of G. Wow, what was that?!! [The blog only spoke of the essense of the lightening bolt on the iceberg, for my own personal LOYAL reasons.] Best experiencial anaology I have is of a raft at sea after a capsized ship turned loose its captain, a vetran and quite wiley survivor type, into a hurricane of events and emotions taht had no predictable outcome. For better or worse, I happened to board as the storm hit and got left on Gilligan's Island! A 3-hour tour, a 3-hour tour...
Just this one was somehow Moore perfect than the other REAL ones at the MOMENT:
I might have said that I tend to attract pilots and racecar drivers to my Mum :) and she was like all, "why don't you change your profile then?" yeah, i do eHarmony. Because This is the TRUTH and I TRUST silly life to deliver exactly what I need when I need it, then PLAY it out and HOPE for the best. Is that not a good, happy, magical way to live?
Unfortunately there was very little ME in the me & G. He had SO SO much going on that we never really had any opportunity to get close to trusting. Sad in a big way really because both of us throw up walls SO fast that heads spin. And maybe that's not the way to live, don't know.
I need a witty dude, MAGICAL, and sublime> on file somewhere that he must also walk on water, still true yet maybe the definition has changed; oh my gosh! can what you ask for be that literal? or that surreal? AND BOTH at the same time? I have to go find a rock to crawl under and then a plane to fly or likely both in my dreams and kinda midway in my REALz.
"Tea on the floor, one day you'll find out later. "
That's exactly how it feels right now. Sometimes you have questions that you don't want answered; that's hard. (I said hard.) Or is that good? I have know idea so likely time fo me to be a sleepin'.
Out, lovely peeps,
Mox
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